does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
