Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
