Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
