What a fucking waste of an outfit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
