he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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