I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
