eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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