This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
why do cheetos always look like penises
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
