you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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