This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
