don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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