I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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