trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
