We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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