Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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