Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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