I wish I could punch you in the face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
