my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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