You're my little dorito
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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