Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
