I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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