My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
