Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
