eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
