Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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