Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
