Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
