maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
