Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
