i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish you could order shots online.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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