I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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