Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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