Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
