just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
