so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
