Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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