That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
