Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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