I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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