I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
