Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
