im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My feet surprised me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
