my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
