I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I smell stomach acid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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