he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
