I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't deserve a penis
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
