I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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