Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
