It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
