She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
