so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
