I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
