YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
