at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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