oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
