none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
