Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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