New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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